Born Again Dreamer

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Journal entry 5/28/09

Isn't it funny? These last 10 yrs...I've never looked at them as a wilderness time...but there certainly have been wilderness seasons; many in fact. I'm thankful for these times, as without them, without experiencing all the pain of being rejected by a close friend, of all my many failures, and becoming aware of my intense self-hatred, I would never been free to discover me. I would never have let other women into my life, and these relationships have turned into part of the very core of why you created me; the heart of my ministry! That alone makes me feel faint inside, yet strong at the same time! Without witnessing the restoration and growth in my own marriage, I would never have known the depth and power of the supernatural transformation which takes place in our lives during our most vulnerable times; when our hearts have burst open with pain, when we are so terribly wounded all our own strength to fight is gone. I would never have been able to overcome the years of self-hatred and the desire to be anyone else but me; even death looked attractive at times. I would never have discovered my value, my purpose, my vision, my passions, but most of all, I would never have discovered the enormity of your love no matter how many times I failed. So, thank you for my wilderness times.

My love, my adoration and my imperfect humanness,


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