Women in the Word

I started this blog to share some of my hearts desires with other women. I believe one of the reason's God designed me is to share everything I can with others about all that He's done in my life. I've shared a basic testimony on my squidoo lens (squidoo.com/personallifecoach4u; squidoo.com/womensworth) but I really wanted to connect with other women and create a place that enlightens, encourages, teaches, strengthens belief and hope, and answers questions to all the questions that you've never had the courage to ask. I remember a time when the thought of asking a question in a classroom was absolutely terrifying. I mean, I could feel the adrenaline start to run as the fear took over my thoughts "oh, please don't let her call on me" etc. I would suddenly take an enormous interest in the carpet; color, texture; design; stains, tears anything that would keep me from having to look that teacher in the eye! Am I talking about high school, you might ask? Well, I felt that way then too, but as I got older instead of becoming more confident, a far greater insecurity took over my life. It didn't happen overnight, not really, it was more like a gradual awareness of the difference between myself (or so I believed) and other women my age. I was in my late 20's, had two small boys, no education, no career, no money, and oh by the way, did I mention that I hated my body and thought I was a dog? lol True though.

I tell a story about myself in the support groups I facilitate. I'm around 20 yrs old and working in a cosmetics dept., with about 8 different make-up counters, mine was all the up front, but my friend was all the way in back. To get to her you had to walk a straight path to the back of the department, and straight in front of you was an enormous mirrored back wall. I was walking through the department that day, and I caught sight of who, I thought, was a beautiful woman. I remember talking to God, and asking Him, why hadn't he made me beautiful like that woman in the mirror? Why did He have to make me so ugly; nobody wanted me as their girlfriend, not long term anyhow, I'd been on very few dates. As I got closer however, I got the shock of my life (well not of my life but a drastic one), because that her in the mirror was me. Momentarily I stopped, too stunned to keep walking. I tried to wrap my mind around what I'd just said; what I'd just seen. You see, only one reality was true, they couldn't both be right. Either I was ugly, as I'd always believed, or I was pretty like the image... a paradox (although, I didn't know what that word meant then). Suddenly, I started to feel strangly and had to get out of there, my only reprieve was the ladies room where I sat in a bathroom stall and cried. I'm not sure now if I cried because I saw myself as something other than what I believed, or if I were having an anxiety attack because the two realities had just come face to face and one of them had to go. Unfortunately, it was not my time to awaken and so, it was the lie I chose to go with. I knew that girl, I didn't like her at all, in fact you might say I hated her, but she was all I knew, and familiar was easy.

This is one glimpse into my life, a life which has been filled with a lot of self-hatred, pain, depression, alcohol abuse, food addictions, and a plethora of other ways I regularly self-destructed. So here's the kicker; I know you're probably waiting for me to tell you that at this point I met Christ and my life was never the same. ...Well I'm not. No, that's not my story, someone's maybe, but not mine. I was already saved; had been for years! I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 10 or 11yrs old, and all those years later I still loved Him, in fact, I talked to Him all the time. However, He remained in heaven far from me (I believed), and I lived my powerless, self-medicated life all the way down here on earth. I'm 42 yrs old now, and it's only been for the last 10 yrs that I have began to live the life that God created me for; a life filled with the knowledge of my immense value, purpose, and authority in Christ.

This is only a small part of my story and I'm looking forward to sharing more....but I'm really looking forward to hearing your story. Whether you're a Christian or not, whether you're currently free or living in pain, whatever your ethnicity, education or socio-economic-status; I want to hear about you. Do you have any dreams for your life? Are you living your dream? Or, are you just praying every day, that today will be the day we are called home to live with Him, and your suffering will come to an end?

I'd be honored if you'd join me and come and share.....