MAKE ME WEAK

How I hate sin, and yet, when upset over sin, I find myself running toward that same immorality in order to soothe my flesh, trying to silence my feelings. How can poison cure a sick man? Yet that is what the sick man seeks as he is too sick to recognize poison is what he drinks. He believes he runs away but he is deceived. Not only does he not escape, but he turns and runs back into the prison from which he came. However, this time, if he does not stop and see the truth he runs further and deeper than ever before. Why are we so stubborn? Like a horse in a burning barn who refuses to be led to safety. We feel the fire and we see the fire and we are NOT going to go anywhere near it! We're familiar with fire, we've experienced the pain associated with fire, we understand fire burns up and consumes everything in its path, and You're asking us to run into it? Are you crazy?

What we cannot understand naturally is this consumption is exactly what we must have; the expulsion of the venom trapped inside, both from sin which has been done to us and sin which we have chosen to do. Nevertheless, whether sinned against or our own sin, the toxin does what its created to do; it kills; kills life, kills dreams; kills relationships; kills hope. It is through the fire then that exists the only way to the fresh, clean air which creates and sustains life.
Oh Lord, I do not ask you for strength to get through the fire; I ask you to keep me weak. Keep me too weak to fight against you as you open up the stall door and lead me straight into the flames!