September, 15, 2003
Frustrated, angry, depressed and hopeless. These are my feelings. Back and forth, back and forth between good and bad. Only 3 months ago Lord, I was baptized because I love you and want to be obedient! It seemed that after this so many doors were opening for me and now they all seem to be slamming shut! Sealed! I don't feel spiritual I feel resentful! I don't feel like I'm growing, I feel like I'm careening over the cliff; the cliff of old habits. I don't feel thankful, I don't feel confident, I don't even feel like you like me! Every good thing has stopped. Does Satan get to stop me in my tracks before I am even out the door? Defeat! Defeat! It's screaming in my head. Fear is what I feel myself giving way to.
However...the truth is: I know it's safe to tell You all these things, and You will still love me. You'll never leave me. Your Word promises me that there is hope and a future for me (Jer. 29:11). I trust You and Your promises to me; You alone are always faithful.