Born Again Dreamer

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Little of My Story...

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
1 Cor 3:1

  A Journey to Freedom...

Part 1

Recently the Lord reminded me about all the times in my life that I tried to conquer emotional eating and struggled with self-hatred and disgust. He reminded me of an experience in my home about 8 years ago as He was transforming me through His love and grace.

One summer afternoon I was looking in my bathroom mirror at my reflection feeling discouraged and hopeless. I was so upset and hurt by Him because He wouldn’t give me what I wanted or what I believed I needed! I wanted a thin beautiful small body, not like the one I was critically examining in my bathroom mirror. I recall yelling out loud at God, telling him how sick of this I was and how much I hated myself, not understanding why he wouldn’t just let me look better. At one point I literally lay face down on the bathroom floor and started bawling like a little child when suddenly I was stopped short by this vision of myself He was showing me.

In this vision I was standing up as I had been just a few seconds ago still crying over my reflection in the mirror, looking at myself in my pink spaghetti-strap tank top and hating what I saw, but this time it was like I was looking at myself from behind, outside myself. What I saw changed my life.

I saw a long row of meat hooks, like the kind a butcher might use in his freezer to hang fresh meat, except these hooks weren’t hanging from the ceiling, these hooks were embedded across my back, shoulder to shoulder in a straight line. There were long lines of rope tied to each hook, it looked like there were maybe 10 all together, but these ropes didn’t hang down my back they stuck straight out eventually converging as if someone were holding them together a few feet behind me. I so knew.

I can’t explain it, but the Spirit instantly dropped into my awareness the meaning of what I was seeing. I knew it was my enemy holding those ropes, and that each hook representing something wounding in my life. My enemy had sunken these hooks deep down within me, and was now using them to control me the way one would control a puppet.

It's difficult to articulate the intense rage that surged through me at this sight. It infuriated me to see those hooks stuck in my back. The thought of the enemy having that kind of control over my life incensed me! This time I cried out to God for help! I am the daughter of the King how dare that filth touch me! I cried out to Him for help, for help to break free from each of those hooks and whatever they represented. I wanted free!

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