Born Again Dreamer

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Follower of Christ• Total Failure • Amazing Grace

  Even my worst failure-as-a-mother-moments can ever 
  overshadow the power of His grace.
I didn't want to go.

I’d been crying since we pulled out of the garage, now late, for our much anticipated night out with two of our best friends.

I really don't want to go out to dinner like this”  I emphatically pleaded a second time to my husband (whose only response was to maddeningly continue driving despite my protests!).  

Who wants to eat with someone literally sobbing in their soup? Come on. I tried to reason with him...but to no avail, my sweet husband, bless him (really!), kept driving.

Only a half our earlier I’d been yelling at my 17 year old son, in a-most-definitely-un-Christ-like-way. How did I lose it so quickly, I miserably wondered as a fresh wave of guilty tears slid down my cheeks? Replaying the scene in my minds eye, I winced as one of the most frowned upon curse words, (sans filter), came flying out of my mouth.

But wait! It gets even better. The worst part was that over the last several months this type of scenario had occurred three other times! I can't describe (and maybe I don't have to) the weight of the shame towering over my senses and draining any possible hope for redemption. 

Despite his mothers childish (or spawn of Satan-like) behavior, my son calmly looked me in the eyes, gently put his hands on my shoulders, and said in a very parental, yet loving tone;
“Mom… now…I want you to ask yourself something. You aren't a person who’s for cursing, and you’ve been cursing a lot lately... (wince)... so I want you to ask yourself a question...what you think that might be causing this.” 

I’m not exaggerating, that’s literally as word for word as I can recall. My mouth hung ajar. He went on in the same tender approach, “…and I think I can tell you what the problem is too”.  It was clear to both of us that I didn't have a clue and was far too astounded to respond, so he continued with his diagnostic assessment of his mothers root problem which was manifesting itself as mommy-with-a-mouth-like-a-sewer.  “You’ve been working too much and for too long, and now you’re totally stressed out”.

Although simplistic, his diagnosis was spot on.

This is the reality of the extraordinary God we serve. Instead of condemnation, in his amazing grace he taught me a valuable lesson about love, grace and redemption:

  • ·         God is good even in our sinfulness.
  • ·         We can’t ever mess up too badly to be used by God.
  • ·         My son experienced an incredible affirmation of a God-given strength that day        despite my sewer mouth.
  • ·         I was out of balance and people I loved were getting hurt because of it.
  • ·         I stopped working so many hours.

      Only with Gods grace could Wyatt have come out of this exchange blessed and affirmed. In fact, God continues to bless him through this. Wyatt knows I often use this experience as a teaching example with my clients, and that others, besides his mother, are regularly blown away by such a profound perspective and response for a 17 year old son.  

I am a weak, sinful, senseless person who can be filled with the Spirit and still manage to mess up big, but the grace of God is his faithfulness despite my failures.  He does far more than merely rescue us; he delights in blessing us despite our fiascoes and botched attempts to follow the example of Christ.  Not even my worst failure-as-a-mother-moments can ever overshadow the power of His grace.

Romans 5:2
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.


Anonymous said...

There's hope for all of us, isn't there?


Lisa Gomez-Osborn said...

Oh yes, JW, there's so much hope! As much hope as there is God's grace and that's infinite so...always room for hope!