Awakened Awareness

I was cleaning out part of thegarage one evening, throwing away things that should have been thrown away agesago, when I ran across some old, dirty, crumpled up papers. They appeared to belunch order forms from the kids’ school, and I wasin the act of tossing them when something caught my attention. I noticed thatone of the papers was completely covered in my own handwriting.  Intrigued by what I could have found so compelling that I would have had to write it out on my sons lunch order forms. As I took a closer look I found that it was dated nearly 9years ago, and as I began to read, overlooked strings within my heart, suddenlybegan to actively flutter, arousing some long forgotten words and memories…

          January,2004

If you’renot watching, time passes by like the clouds on a blue sky. If you don’t reallystop yourself, and purposefully observe your surroundings, you might not even realizethat the clouds are in motion.  It’squite possible to spend your whole life ‘doing’ until your end is near, and withoutrecognition, the clouds in your life, have continued to progress to the other side ofthe world…and all along, you never even noticed their silent drifting away.

Father,I don’t want to drift aimlessly with my life. I want to be a part of the beautyof the sky you designed; so graceful and soft. I want to observe and absorb allthe splendor of this world. If only we’ll look, there is so much of it! The gentlenessof a soft flute, the fluidity of a violin, the exhilaration of beating drums…Inspiration, joyfulness, excitement, appreciation; love. But first, before anyof these blessings can be realized, awareness must come. My soul must awaken from its slumber.

I've come alive in Christ. I never realized I was dead! I cannot pinpoint mydeath; but I recognize that my solitary focus for years hasn't been on life orbeauty, but only on my own subjective feelings and fears. Hopelessness hassomehow replaced my excitement for good things in this life.  

But the more Your Spirit envelopes me, themore alive I begin to become. Unexpectedly, I’m able to see as never before. Tofeel as never before. Like a tiny kitten transformed into a powerful panther;sleek and magnificent, yet fierce with loyalty and love for You. Surprising andforgotten desires are bursting within; I long to rise to new heights with you;not wasting another second of the precious time I've been given.

Lord, Iwant to bring everything you've given me to its fullest potential. Savoring myawakening; overflowing with gratefulness that you love me so much you wouldn't allow me to stay dead and buried in my grave. You tore out the grass by itsroots; split open the earth, and broke off the locks keeping me bound inmy prison. In my darkness. 

Light, Your glorious, sweet light has surrounded me.I am being filled with understanding; I can feel the warmth of your heart, thegentleness of your gaze. It’s like leaving a cold, black and white world forone filled with warm brilliant hues and stunning colors.

I’mbeing transformed from dirt, into a majestic garden. From dust to life. Where previously there was lifeless silence; my heart sings with hope.  Recognition of a my forgotten heart emerges; the heart of the child I once was; the child who loved.

What oncewas is once again. 

Restored by the power of His love.

Myadoration forever…

L